Boris Johnson has announced that he’s definitely not right wing despite new connections to American nutter, Steve Bannon.
Mr Johnson told The Brickish Times this morning that he was “definitely not right wing” after new connections to Steve Bannon had been revealed.
“Steve who? Never heard of him. I’m definitely not right wing. I love the people. Clement Attlee is my hero. Gandhi was amazing, and I can’t get enough of Owen Jones. Two thumbs fresh!”, rambled Boris at a press conference.
When questioned about the altercation with his girlfriend in which she screamed “get off me” and “leave” multiple times, he replied “lefty liberal neighbours ruining my life… er I mean, those wonderful neighbours of mine reported the situation to the police, and I can completely understand why. I definitely don’t think it’s an attack on me. I mean, why would it be? I’m definitely not right wing.”
Mr Johnson turned away from the mic and muttered “when I get a hold of them, I’m going to…” before realising he was also wearing a lavaliere mic and the room had gone silent. He looked blankly at the room for a second before continuing “…shower them with hugs and kisses! Those wonderful people.”
The Sun and Express reporters left the room saying “welp, we’re convinced” and led a chant outside shouting “Boris! Boris!”.
The Brickish Times reporter vomited into a nearby bucket before wandering out, losing all faith in human kind.