The Secretary of State for Transport, Chris Grayling has developed into a persistent rash, the press were told this morning.

Despite his best attempts to get fired (falling foul of his own train timetables and awarding a shipping company with no ships and no pizzas a £14bn contract), Chris Grayling still clings on; refusing to let go.

As a result, The World Health Organisation has this morning declared Mr Grayling to be a “persistent rash”, and urges Theresa May to allow doctors to examine and hopefully remove him from Mrs May’s bottom.

“There’s obviously more to Chris Grayling than meets the eye”, said Dr Pete Townshend, heading up Project Rashling for The WHO, “although we should have recognised this sooner – he was always turning white under pressure, and redder when irritated.”