According to Sara Cockapoo Blenders, God “wanted Donald Trump to be President”. This is said with no tongues near any cheeks whatsoever.

White House Press Secretary, Zara Cockatoo Grinders made the absurd statement yesterday, implying that God is a citizen of the United States of America and must therefore pay taxes.

We spoke to God earlier today, who told us “since when do I care about making one cheese puff more important than the rest of you? You’re the ones making invisible borders and hating someone for living slightly more to the south than you do. F##k off.”

“Besides, I don’t meddle as a rule.. ignoring my… tantrum a few thousands years ago that resulted in a lot of you guys drowning. There’s another fellow who does meddle in human affairs however; and I think you’ll find that Trump has a lot more in common with him, if you know what I mean.”

Sora Gigolo Binders ended her statement by saying “Nancy Pelosi calling our wall immoral is a laugh. Is it immoral to want to protect your country from dirty foreigners?”

Native Americans have yet to make a statement on the above claim, but are reportedly preparing deportation papers for every white Christian illegally occupying their land.